The Pump-inator
by ForeverTheTorturedRebel
Summary: Around for a little closet searching, Dr. Doofenshmirtz finds a very uncertain object in which he plans to use against Perry The Platypus, but somehow, he can't help but feel that he's enjoying the 'object' waaaay too much... Rated M for such a disturbing reason. One of the most weirdest fics I ever wrote.


**"The Pumpinator"**

**Rated M for Sexual Stuff.**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own Phineas and Ferb. Don't read this if it disturbs you, but if you really want to read this, enjoy!**

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So far, it was another crappy day in Danville. So far, Dr. Doofenshmirtz went right to his closet and just began looking for a nice little ray gun with had the word 'ator' on the label. So far, he was having such horrible luck just trying to find one.

"This is just great. It's been like five hours and yet I can't seem to find a different ray gun just to blast my arch-enemy Perry The Platypus with!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz said to himself as he kept out rummaging in his closet and checking out every ray gun that he tried. "I tried the Cheeseinator in which people are turned into nacho cheese, the Buttinator which turns people's butts very big, and of course the Sodainator in which everything that is solid is turned into Soda. Of course that was a waste of time considering I was very thirsty, so that was a bomb. I'm certain there's gotta be something I can find that could once again take out that Platypus..."

Feeling that hope was so much lost for the crooked toothing antagonist, Dr. Doofenshmirtz seemed to get his hand on something so solid and so blocky. He had a full grip and seemed to just pull it out. This was very unrecognizable to Heinz at least.

"What's this?" Heinz said to himself as he read the label that was in the freaky orange-colored package, "'Cock pump'. Cock pump? What a horrible god-awful name for a ray gun! There's absolutely no frickin' way I can blast Perry the Platypus with something so plastic and clunky like that!"

But then, did Heinz suddenly realize his mistake when he started to read the directions right on the box.

"Oh, it says something on the box. It says: 'Stuff your pen-nis inside the clear, glass pail for perfect erections at the push of a pump.'. Erections? It's that really another term for election? I don't get it. What in the hell is a pen-nis for that matter?" Heinz then narrowed his eyes to the box for one bit, "Ohhh, it's pronounced pee-nis. Hmmmmmm, sounds reasonable."

Wanting to find out what this actually felt, Heinz suddenly took it out of the box and just examined it.

"Hmmmm, am I supposed to use my hand for this?" Heinz raised his eyebrow a bit as he tried to fit that hand of his inside that little tube, but unfortunately, it didn't help very much. "Well, this is frickin' bogus now... Maybe my foot might fit in there."

Heinz tried to fit his large foot right in that small tube, but just like his hand not too long ago, it just couldn't fit. He was like a very crooked Cinderella except this wasn't no fairy tale ending.

"Darn it! If I can't fit this tube in my hands and on my feet, where in the heck am I supposed to fit this godawful thing?" Heinz complained at the glass tube of a pump. But then, he had only one suggestion, "Well, all that I got left is my pen-nis, so it probably won't hurt to try."

Not taking any chances, Heinz suddenly unbuckled his pants and took his underwear right off, which revealed only a limp 6 inch pen-nis (as Doof likes to call it himself).

"Oh well, here goes nothing at all. It better frickin' work..." Heinz growled a bit before he put his rod right inside the little tube. Heinz couldn't really believed that it was an entire fit. "Well, what do you know? It fits!"

Feeling a bit relieved that Heinz finally stuck his pen-nis in the tube, he then received on what to do next on the box.

"Okay, it says here that fully press the pump to receive your fullest greatest erection yet possible." Heinx read so on the box as he somehow looked down at his penis and right where his hand somehow got a grab at the pump button. "Heh, kinda interesting to see where this goes from here..."

As soon as Heinz pressed the pump, his little German johnson felt a twinge. But it was very much like a ticklish feeling.

"Wow, that really tickles..." Heinz chuckled a bit before he gave it a really nice pump once again, this twinge caught him by surprise once again, "Wow... this... this is actually quite fun!"

Feeling the incredible urge right inside him, Heinz kept pressing the pump repeatedly while it gave shockwaves to his nice little 6-inch friend. The more times Doofenshmirtz started pressing that pump, strangely, the more his limpy little friend started to just grow on him. Seriously, his limp rod was now building up into something so large. His 6-inch was now turning into some kind of 9-inch rod right about now. This evil mastermind sure had one evil hard-on for sure.

"Ohhhh, man! I feel... I feel something coming... Ohhhh, there it is... ohhhh!" Doofenshmirtz panted and moaned a little as several pumps was now turning his entire German sausage into crimson blood red. This satisfied erection was about to cause a little explosion coming right on the tip of his pen-nis. "I think... I think I'm about to burst! YeeeeeeeeeEEEEAAAAAH!"

And before anyone knew it, Doofenshmirtz just exploded and released his own evil man-gravy all inside this infamous cock pump. He shot pretty much the most silkiest bullets there ever was and just creamed the entire inside of the tube. He kept on cumming and cumming until he was pretty much beat as it ever was. Just pumping and pumping that thing of his was enough to make Dr. Doofenshmirtz beat for the rest of the day.

"Wow... that was amazing..." Doofenshmirtz smiled at himself as he was just looking at this piece of resistance that was a penis pump, "Man, why haven't I thought of this before? This is perhaps the greatest invention I shouldve made! I would make millions."

Before Heinz got himself fully rested, he was somehow caught off-guard by her daughter Vanessa, who just seemed to barge in.

"Hey, dad... you seen my lipstick some-"

Her voice was suddenly cut off itself when she had caught his own father, Dr. Doofenshmirtz redhanded with a penis pump of all places. Worst of all, much to Vanessa's horror, she had to see Dad's whole cream-covered rod inside that thing. It was so much gross and traumatizing. Seeing this wasn't the only way to shout, Vanessa responded the only way she knew how.

"Nevvvvvver mind, then..." Vanessa said with a shudder as she closed the door right behind her, which left Dr. Doofenshmirtz all alone with his little pump machine. Doof seemed to have blushed because of this awkward moment as of now.

"Well... at least I have something to defeat Perry The Platypus with! With this so-called "Pumpinator", he won't even expect it coming! And I'll finally get a chance to take over the Tri-State area!" Heinz exclaimed as he got his 'Pumpinator' and headed out to his lab to expect Perry the Platypus soon enough.

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**For shame, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, for shame. Anyway, read, review and see what you think!**

**P.S.: This felt so much weird reading this, but I thought it would be both weird and funny at the same time. So reply!**


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